We're still catching up.
February brought with it nearly an entire month of rainfall. Got stuck in the rain 3 times. Taking it personally.
Still have Fire in spite of continual rain. First Tarot shoot. XIV Art.
Important to start tarot with Art. Art and Alchemy are the same word. Understand what was meant by asking for Art.
(Later she see's she is mapping a route up the Tree. But now she's cheating because she is not writing from February.
In February she was not looking at the Tree, she was too busy drowning.)
Got flu. Bed. Blankets. Trying to hold up a sense of self in the face of too much feeling.
Keeps writing, is it all me? Is it all mine? Keeps saying, I don't understand.
Fire, Will, I burn. I create. Buildings burn. Water, feeling, I dive, I get stuck in the rain.
Awesome. Work on the inside. You effect the outside. Marvelous. But.
"If I am the storm, If I am the wonder, will I have flashlights, nightmares and sudden explosions?"
...song on repeat. The question means, if it is all me and my work then what is not me? Is there anything not me?
And if anything is not me, can it surprise me? With something magnificent?
The 21st Century. We killed God. We killed the notion of vengeful fucker up above you trying to smite you. Great. No fear of hell.
Its all me. Awesome.
Its all me....count me down.
"I'm to the very edge...I'm going to the other side"
Edge of Fire to edge of water. Back to Fire.
Following the feeling, no place for logic here. No sense of reason. Just follow the feeling.
Left, right, left. Going mad.
As Fire burns away what is no longer needed, Water can cleanse. It can purify.
Water left untempered, drowns people.
Following the feeling is not the same as following the heart.
But.
Following the feeling will lead you to the center which the same as following the heart.
Water washes away. Must able to let it wash away. Fucking myself up by not letting go.
Let it go. Clinging in the face of Water is as effective as trying to stop Fire from burning.
Let everything that ever fucked me up wash away. The pain is not real. Painfully embedded after so many years of clinging to the pain that you begin to think the pain defines you. In some way, you love the pain because it has been there for so long.
Its not real.
Let it go.
Found center. Not easy to remember. Stood in the rain. Not hating it anymore.
Lost self in the edges of Fire and Water. Completely forgot there was one there to begin with.
Balance. Center. Balance. center. From close to the edge it is impossible to remember there is a center.
From the edge there is only Burning. There is only Drowning. There is no reason to carry on.
Everything in the right proportions in the right vessel.
Is it all me?
No. You forgot Mercury. And you can only find him.it.her.thing in the center.
Found Mercury 3 days before I found Mercurius. Probably the greatest alchemical novel ever written.
Tattoed Fire and Water on wrists. To see the space inbetween and remember that there is a space between. That is the marriage of Fire and Water.
In my center. MySelf.
There is Mercury.
(The reason the the older alchemical texts are so hard to decipher is mainly because each alchemist formed their own language with the symbols. Dragon to one alchemist meant a very different thing to another.
Jung struggled with this and was not successful in universalising the alchemical language.
No one ever has been. Sulfur can mean Fire or Mercury or Dragon or Sun. Sun can mean Gold or soul or fire or sulphur. Mercury can be metal, a planet or the spirit crucial to the entire Work.
Each alchemist, each Artist makes their own language. And the only way to understand it is to forget their language entirely
and make your own.
My Temperance. My balance. My path up. This story is in my language.
My center is just one path up. There are others. Some can burn all the way up. Some ride the wave all the way up.
For me, it is balance by finding Mercury in the center.)
MissRevolution 3 April 2009 11:02pm
